The Inner Critic in Photography and Art
I call my inner critic Fred after the funny old movie Drop Dead Fred. He sits on my right shoulder and looks like a troll doll version of the hilarious character in the movie.
He can really be mean and hurtful, as funny as he looks. He is never there when I deal in my businesses or photography and art professionally, I am in complete control but my personal photography and art wise anything I put my heart and soul into with vulnerability he pops out. I can just get a bad shot and then he starts his teasing “Toni you are just rubbish” but Fred oh he is a bit of a jerk he gets very personal really, personal on some days it can steamroll into ‘you are ugly, you will always be worthless and not enough.’ Gee Thanks Fred.
Realistically, he lies. He is my inner critic that taunts and acts on my fears and past experiences and that is what imposter syndrome is to me regardless of psychological definitions it is my fear and how I have been treated in the past, and life experiences all packaged into a “syndrome” or popular “tagline” that is caused by so many different things in our own personal lives. He is who says I have Imposter Syndrome when it is my inner critic talking. I acknowledge him., recognise he is just thoughts and then punch him squarely in the face before I flick him off my shoulder Hehe. He comes back occasionally but it’s rarer and rarer these days.
To stop him. It helped me to give it a name, it helped my negative self-talk and fear and the link to my bad experiences and allowed me to twist it into, you are so wrong Fred. Thoughts are just thoughts they are not truths I can choose which thought train to get on or off. On days when the trains keep on coming, I know it’s time for self-care and self-love. It sounds cliched but on those days I ask myself would I say ‘you are rubbish’ to someone I was counselling? No! Or say that to someone I love? -again No. Nor would I say ‘you are worthless’, or your work is rubbish’ or say ‘that person is so much more talented than you’ to one of my students. No. It boils down to loving myself more and being human and not perfect. If Fred kicks off because of a mistake I am only human I own it and learn from it, miss a shot due to bad weather? well it’s out of my control, take a bad shot? So, what, who doesn’t? and stop me from being a perfectionist.
We all have bad days. It is bringing to a halt the bad thinking about myself. It is ceasing those negative thoughts and saying I am worth it and loveable, and my work is great just as it is. I do not need to be perfect or want to fit into societies boxes or expectations and things happen in life out of my control. It is facing fears and healing them and saying I am enough even if my voice shakes doing it and seeing how far I have come not looking at how far I perceive I must go and forget comparisons as everyone’s artistic photographic journeys are uniquely our own.
Find you and stay grounded amongst the noise out there do not let social media or society or anyone tell you are less than, do you and believe! Once again, I will keep reminding you that you are enough as you are wherever you are on your photographic or artistic adventure as I am.
Speaking of Adventures my next couple of blogs will be on my adventure to Tibet and Everest Base Camp. I am so excited. Of course, I have been dreaming of the epic landscapes of the Himalayas, but the cultural and spiritual experience of Tibet has been on my list for many years. Stay tuned for what is Toni up to now ha-ha and will go through the preparations and things you need to do to be able to go to the Roof Top of The World or The Third Pole.
I want to say a special thank you to those that have bought me coffees in my store. I am so humbled and grateful to you all for believing in and supporting me from the bottom of my heart Thank you.
Till next time see you out there somewhere...I will be thinking of you all from Base Camp.
Toni xx
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