The C words- Covid and Cancer- Antarctica’s Heartbeat Series.
A lot of people have asked about this series and how I handled getting Covid in one of the most beautiful places on earth that I had dreamt about visiting since I was a little girl so to answer that...
Yes, she got Covid in Antarctica. I tested positive after one landing on the continent, which was so typical of me but anyway, I was locked down 5 days!! I do not remember too much of that first night as covid brain hits me hard and I was very sick but by the next morning I was determined to make the most. I had already decided to shoot Antarctica creatively in different ways. I popped some headache pills and spent all day every day out on my balcony shooting with limited views but some of the most awe-inspiring views on the planet. I would be up and out on my balcony as the first zodiac trip left and still be out shooting later that day when the second trips came back. I would go into the cabin and be sick but come back out again but this time shoot black and white then go back in and come back out with a zoom or wide angle. I made it a mission to not give up through the sickness and just push through.
Creatively I always think out of the box things do not always happen as we plan so set little missions and goals for myself. Level up Toni! Today you are shooting whatever the universe wants to throw at you but focus on an abstract next day texture and whatever you are feeling and what Antarctica wants to show you. Find Antarctica’s Heartbeat Toni do not give up.
I shot this series on Nikon z7 an z7ii with the 100-400mm lens.
Did I feel sad and cry? Yes, but I am a firm believer in things do not happen by chance the good and bad in life happens for a reason sometimes that reason alludes me to later, but I question myself look hard and reflect. Looking back, I was looking for Antarctica’s Heartbeat the titles of my work “Her Scars”, “Her Breath”. “Her Voice”, “Her Whispers”, “Her curves” are all pieces I am proud of considering my limited views from a balcony but what I realised was after I returned to Sydney was, I was not just searching for Antarctica’s Heartbeat I was searching for my own.
You see, Covid in Antarctica sucked but it wasn’t near what I have been through. I have had travel nightmares almost good enough to write a book on or be a tv show from being trapped in a hotel fire in the USA to almost being abducted and dragged into a car by 4 men in Europe as I walked alone searching for a museum yes very scary. I used what I had already learnt in life in the loss of both my parents 8 months apart in 2010 and 2011 and then being hit by life again with breast cancer and other things that will remain private hey this is a blog not my journal, realising that I did let my own heart disappear caring and looking after others and fighting to stay alive. I have been brought to my knees a few times in life and rebuilt and fought and pushed through everything on my own “Her strength”
How? With hope, with still believing in magic, looking for the good in every situation, it is thinking and clawing out of the box and loving life and being grateful to still be here regardless of crappy situations. Going through so much bad makes me so much more appreciative of the good.
When I go out shooting, I like the challenge of the unexpected it pushes me to think and be different and keep growing as a photographer and artist.
Antarctica, she brought my heart back and searching for hers on that balcony was finding mine again and strengthening myself in what I love to do and that just being myself is enough, as are you, you are enough just as you are.
Till next time see you out there shooting…
Toni xx
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